Crossing Road

                  A Little Piece of me

 　　When he told me he was leaving I felt like a vase which has just smashed. There were pieces of me all over the tidy, tan tiles. He kept talking, telling me why he was leaving, explaining it was for the best, I could do better, it was his fault and not mine. I had heard it before many times and yet somehow was still not immune; perhaps one did not become immune to such felony. 這樣的話我已聽過無數遍，卻怎麼也無法從語言的咒詛中掙脫；或許，根本沒有人可以對這樣的話語一笑置之吧！

 　　He left and I tried to get on with my life. I filled the kettle and put it on to boil, I took out my old red mug and filled it with coffee watching as each coffee granule slipped in to the bone china. That was what my life had been like, endless omissions of coffee granules, somehow never managing to make that cup of coffee.　就像我的人生，不斷流失的小片段，無可遏止地奔流；卻怎麼也匯聚不了一杯香醇的咖啡。

 　　Somehow when the kettle piped its finishing warning I pretended not to hear it. That's what Mike's leaving had been like, sudden and with an awful finality. I would rather just wallow in uncertainty than have things finished. 我寧願在曖昧不明中泅泳，也不想沐浴於真實的光華。I laughed at myself. Imagine getting all philosophical and sentimental about a mug of coffee. I must be getting old.　從一杯咖啡中領悟恁地多又興起無謂感傷，我大概是老了吧！

 　　And yet it was a young woman who stared back at me from the mirror. 然而從鏡中睇凝著我的，無疑的是張青春正盛的面容。 A young woman full of promise and hope, a young woman with bright eyes and full lips just waiting to take on the world. I never loved Mike anyway. Besides there are more important things. More important than love, I insist to myself firmly. The lid goes back on the coffee just like closure on the whole Mike experience.

將咖啡蓋復位，如同封緘我與他的過往情事。

　　He doesn't haunt my dreams as I feared that night. Instead I am flying far across fields and woods, looking down on those below me. Suddenly I fall to the ground and it is only when I wake up that I realize I was shot by a hunter, brought down by the burden of not the bullet but the soul of the man who shot it. 獵人射下化身為鳥兒的我……但當我輾醒，我才明白，鳥兒無可承載之重不是槍彈而是開槍之人的憶思。 I realize later, with some degree of understanding, that Mike was the hunter holding me down and I am the bird that longs to fly. 他就是那鳴槍獵人，射下一心想自由翱翔的我。The next night my dream is similar to the previous nights, but without the hunter. I fly free until I meet another bird who flies with me in perfect harmony. I realize with some relief that there is a bird out there for me, there is another person, not necessarily a lover perhaps just a friend, but there is someone out there who is my soul mate. 我這才明白，終會有個屬於我的人在某處等候著我；他不一定是情人，他可能是朋友，卻是我真正的靈魂伴侶。I think about being a broken vase again and realize that I have glued myself back together, what Mike has is merely a little part of my time in earth, a little understanding of my physical being. He has only, a little piece of me.　

揣想自己是一只破碎花瓶，如今已拼湊復原；畢竟他帶走的僅是少許部份與我共處時光，時間長河上細微的涓滴。他有的，只是極小部份的我。

無意讀到這篇文章，用字極簡卻有著很深的意象，佳句也不少
可見作者寫作功力之高
第一幕用『破碎的花瓶』來比喻自己難以癒合的心
在情人毅然提出分手後，她回想著情人的牽強說辭……
開始總是盲目昏頭，不須理由；結束時卻總有成串的好藉口──
「錯不在妳，都是我不好；分手都是為了妳著想……」
無情的情人擠出這些了無新意的公式套招
遍體鱗傷的她卻終難擺脫語言斲傷

個人相當喜歡第二、三段，由沖泡咖啡感悟人生無常
她打開咖啡罐，『嘩啦啦』注入馬克杯(old red mug)
乾燥的顆粒粗礪不堪，未注入熱水(溫情)之前，它只是一把苦澀的粉末
然後水燒開了，衝天嘠響的氣笛鳴叫割開了沈寂的空氣氛圍
她卻選擇聽而不聞
像情人離去前絮絮叨叨，在她而言不過是空氣分子撞擊發出的聲響
然後擎起那杯黑色液體，她自嘲自己的多愁善感
青春正盛的自己，不該以咖啡的反射為妝鏡

鏡中的自己是那樣綺容麗貌
她有灼灼的雙瞳，豐篤的唇瓣，未來盡其在我
放下咖啡，闔上咖啡罐的蓋子，一道封緘已了情事
下次再打開，要給自己沖杯溫醇可口的咖啡……

最後一段夢悟也很精練，她化身成鳥，分手的情人是射擊她的槍手
奪去她自由的獵人，不是與她鶣鶣同飛的Soul Mate
她終於明白，他淡入又淡出，因為在她人生的舞台上，首席主角並不是他
他走了，那又如何！結束的只是她跟他共處的時間
相較於今後的未竟的人生，無異是滄海一粟……

若能以宏觀的角度來看待一切，或許人類就不會那麼強拉執留
也能從『擁有的想獨佔，失去的想挽留』的痴眷中昇華